dekadist

I don’t think I’m cut out for this.

So this is rock bottom.

I’m a mess. :(

Miss you

So odd because that’s exactly what I did last night. :) On this day, God wants you to know … that the way you treat others is the way you treat yourself. True respect for another comes from self respect. True love for another comes from self love. True forgiveness for another comes from self forgiveness.

Even after years of soul searching, readying, and perceived maturity, i still seem to be unready. But your coming along has left me forever changed. As much as i want to return to carefree oblivion, i can’t. There’s no such thing as coming home again. Because end this or not, no longer am i the unfeeling self i once was. Your presence has imprinted an indelible mark on my life. I learned to love again when you came along. And in loving there is the risk of total loss. I struggle. To be bigger than myself. I don’t know what i want, where my happiness lies. But i do know you in my life is the presence of an everlasting rose with painful thorns where sweet and bitter meet.

The truth is, I’ve made a serious effort in avoiding getting seriously involved with people in the limelight. When I reconsidered this recently, it was with the intention of perhaps having someone who has had her fair share of the limelight or is already on her way out of it. Now being with someone who’s just on her way in, that wasn’t really considered nor was it ruled out. So it remains to be seen. How much can I really put in and put up with to make it work.

your dreams are bigger than me. :( and as hard as that is to accept, i understand. but know that i dream of our future together in a way much bigger than you dream of yours.